Modeling Emotional Regulation to Support Students’ Growth

This year, I started fresh at a new school. Despite over a decade of leadership experience and 14 years in education, I found myself feeling anxious and uncertain. Questions swirled in my mind: Will I fit in with the culture? Will I meet expectations? How will I manage this transition?

In these moments, I try to remind myself of something I often share with my students: Emotions are normal, and what matters most is how we navigate them. By modeling emotional regulation, I not only manage my own stress but also teach an invaluable lesson to my students—one that fosters resilience, empathy, and self-awareness.

Emotional regulation is a skill that can transform not just how we lead, but how we connect with and support the people around us. Here’s how we, as educators, can model it effectively.

Why Emotional Regulation Matters

Research from the Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning highlights the idea that emotional regulation is a cornerstone of social and emotional learning, which improves academic outcomes and strengthens relationships. When teachers model emotional regulation, here’s what they accomplish.

• They create a safe, predictable environment for students.
• They show that it’s OK to feel vulnerable or uncertain.
• They empower students to develop their own coping skills.

According to neuroscientist Mary Helen Immordino-Yang, emotions are the rudder for thinking. When students see us manage our emotions in real time, we’re not just teaching content—we’re teaching life skills.

It’s Ok to be Vulnerable

Back to my first day at this new school. I walked into the staff room and felt a wave of anxiety. I knew very few people, and introducing myself to others felt daunting. Instead of letting the nervousness take over, I paused and did what I would encourage my students to do.

• I acknowledged the feeling: I’m nervous, and that’s OK.
• I took a deep breath to ground myself.
• I set an intention: I’m going to focus on connecting with just one person today.

Later, during a staff meeting, I shared my experience with my new colleagues. Not only did it help me connect with them, but also it reinforced the value of vulnerability in building trust.

I have had the great pleasure of working with students from elementary age through to high school and have collated five strategies that work across all three age groups—with a little modification or two to meet their developmental needs. Each acknowledges the feeling and sets an intention to keep the action progressing.

Five Ways to Model Emotional Regulation in Your Classroom

1. Name your emotions out loud. All students benefit from seeing adults recognize and name their feelings. This simple act normalizes emotions and teaches them that it’s OK to express what they’re feeling.

Try this:

• In elementary school, clear, expressive language makes emotions relatable. A teacher might say, “I’m frustrated because my marker stopped working, but I’ll take a deep breath and grab another one.”
• Middle school students benefit from seeing self-awareness in action, such as “I feel overwhelmed by our workload, but taking it one step at a time will help.”
• High school students respect authenticity with composure, as in “I didn’t sleep well, but I’m refocusing so we can have a productive lesson.”

2. Use coping strategies in real time. Demonstrating strategies like deep breathing, pausing, or reframing a challenge helps students understand how to manage their own emotional responses.

Try this:

• In elementary school, interactive techniques like “Let’s take a deep breath together before moving on” engage students.
• Middle school students learn problem-solving when teachers verbalize their thought process: “This isn’t working—let me pause and adjust.”
• High school students benefit from discussions on self-regulation, such as “When I feel overwhelmed, I focus on one step at a time. What works for you?”

3. Share age-appropriate personal stories. Sharing brief stories about how you’ve overcome challenges can inspire students and make you more relatable.

Try this:

• For elementary students, simple, structured stories are effective. “I was nervous on my first day of school, but deep breaths helped me feel better.”
• Middle school learners connect with challenges they may face, such as “I used to get frustrated when I couldn’t master something, but I learned that asking for help makes us stronger.” 
• High school students appreciate real yet concise reflections, like “I struggled with public speaking, but preparation and self-talk helped me improve.”

4. Model positive self-talk. The way we talk to ourselves sets an example for our students. Replace negative or defeatist language with affirming statements that show growth and resilience.

Try this:

• In elementary school, exaggerating self-talk makes it engaging. “Oops! I made a mistake, but mistakes help us learn!”
• Middle school learners benefit from problem-solving in action: “That didn’t work—let’s try another way.” 
• High school students gain resilience through a growth mindset approach, such as “This wasn’t perfect, but I’ll learn from it and improve.”

5. Create a culture of emotional safety. Encourage students to express their emotions and practice regulation strategies. Modeling is essential, but creating opportunities for them to engage in these practices solidifies their learning.

Try this:

• For elementary students, structured check-ins make emotions easier to express, like “Show me with your fingers—how are you feeling today?”
• Middle school students benefit from open discussions: “What helps you reset when you feel overwhelmed?” 
• High school students thrive with self-reflection, such as “Think of a time you managed a challenge—what worked for you?”

Leadership Through Emotional Regulation

Modeling emotional regulation isn’t just for the classroom—it’s essential in leadership as well. Whether you’re guiding students, collaborating with colleagues, or engaging with families, your ability to navigate emotions with composure sets the tone for those around you.

For me, starting at a new school has reinforced the importance of staying grounded and open. By being honest about my feelings and demonstrating healthy ways to process them, I’m not only setting an example for my students but also contributing to a culture of trust and connection in my new community.

Teaching is as much about modeling who we are as it is about delivering lessons. When we show students and colleagues how to manage emotions, we provide a powerful tool kit they can use throughout their lives—isn’t that what learning is all about?